When We Were Young

[SmokinLizzies]

This is a song I wrote a few months ago, but it can read as a poem. This song has my reailty in it.

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG

midnight swims and dolphin fins
warm summer nights, careless of dawn
it just felt right
when we were young

tape case text and curfew checks
fires in the park, at any hour
we were never apart
when we were young

as we grow older I’m in raged
days and weeks and it fades
with or without you has a cost
growing up I am lost

but I have you and I’ll be true
I just miss the times, many to count
you were always kind
when we were young

With this sight and we always fight
thinking of the past, I am getting scared
it may not last
we’re no longer young

as we grow older it fades
days and weeks I’m in raged
with or without you I’m lost
growing up has a cost

I’m not losing my mind
I’m not pretending it’s fine
this is not some act
I want my lover back

I’m on my knees, begging you please
I’m on my knees, begging you please
I’m on my knees, begging you please
come back to me

as we grow older I’m lost
days and weeks has a cost
with or without you I’m in raged
growing up makes it fade

I’m not losing my mind
I’m not pretending it’s fine
this is not some act
I want my lover back

[Hannibal]

I'm just wondering if you intended to try to rhyme the whole way through, of if the rhyming in certain parts only was intended.
to me it took a bit away from the poem,
but I thought that overall it was pretty good, it progressed nicely.
*shrugs*
If it had some music to it, and someone singin, i'm sure it'd sound pretty cool.
Nice post though..

[SmokinLizzies]

Well, the first draft of this song was wrote slightly different then this finished verson. It flowed alot better. I wish I still had the original, but i saved over it. Once we started playing the song, I desided it would sound better with the music if her vocal lines were more choppy. So, I changed the lyrics. That's why the rhyming is alittle off.

Maybe I'll post the song up, but I only have a practice recording of it...

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ February 14, 2003 04:04 AM: Message edited by: ?GARY? ]</font>

[Hannibal]

Whatever is cool
if you dont wanna put it up cuz it's a practice recording, that's fine..
if you feel like, go right ahead!